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Jokes
Last post 07-25-2008 08:28 PM by cgate. 27 replies.
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tkerr
 - Joined on 01-02-2004
- Coastal North Carolina USA.
- Posts 8,667
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It's a great idea to start a thread like this. A little levity never hurts to distract us from other things going on here.. However, this has been attempted before with minimal participation and eventully died.
Here is one of them. And I believe there is another I started with a daily joke or riddle somewhere.
http://cs.astronomy.com/asycs/forums/t/24762.aspx?PageIndex=1
Have A Nice ____________
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Kyle
 - Joined on 06-07-2008
- Southern California, near L.A.
- Posts 217
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Thanks...Ha ha, that's funny. Anyway....
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have a machine to do that now.
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aquadan005
 - Joined on 10-20-2007
- The Big Blue Marble
- Posts 305
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Not exactly a joke per se but still damn funny if you ask me ................
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leo731
 - Joined on 10-19-2005
- Posts 1,430
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There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer-space program: your tax dollar will go farther.
(Wernher von Braun)
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zachsdad
 - Joined on 10-02-2007
- Wever, IA
- Posts 1,755
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The real trick will be keeping this thread family friendly.
What happens if you are scared half to death twice?
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tkerr
- Joined on 01-02-2004
- Coastal North Carolina USA.
- Posts 8,667
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 zachsdad:
The real trick will be keeping this thread family friendly.
What happens if you are scared half to death twice?
Hopefully you're like a cat. In that case then you would have 16 more chances.. Otherwise you're outaluck
Have A Nice ________
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WannaB
 - Joined on 04-30-2008
- Mindenmines, MO
- Posts 484
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But, after the first time you're scared half to death, is there any recovery time before your scared half to death the second time?
I know, I know...it's a joke!
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tkerr
- Joined on 01-02-2004
- Coastal North Carolina USA.
- Posts 8,667
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Answer to the riddle is you would still have1/4 life left.
Have A Nice _________
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Kevin Bozard
 - Joined on 01-13-2006
- South Carolina
- Posts 2,834
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tkerr: Answer to the riddle is you would still have1/4 life left.
So Henry the 8th was scared three times? 
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WannaB
- Joined on 04-30-2008
- Mindenmines, MO
- Posts 484
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Wouldn't it have to be more than that? After the third time, he'd only be down to one of whatever the "8th" refers to. Then it would be 1/2...1/4...1/8...1/16....?
The problem is there was a value placed on it. Guess that can't be done in order for the joke to work!
Again, I know, I know, it's a joke.
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zachsdad
- Joined on 10-02-2007
- Wever, IA
- Posts 1,755
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My bad. I should have known the math would get me in trouble on this web site. Let's try again;
Just an observation, but why is there a braille keypad on my drive-up ATM?
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aquadan005
- Joined on 10-20-2007
- The Big Blue Marble
- Posts 305
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40 years of marriage...
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being
loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my
darling husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen
Mary II and all expenses appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic,
but an opportunity like this will never come again.
I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than
me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a
wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92
years old.
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Kyle
- Joined on 06-07-2008
- Southern California, near L.A.
- Posts 217
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So there was this radio show poll, asking American women if they would accept a love affair with Bill Clinton. Seventy percent said, "Never again!"
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leo731
- Joined on 10-19-2005
- Posts 1,430
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How many amatuer astronomers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ten. One to screw in the bulb and nine to argue after the fact that "their" lightbulb design is better and would have provided superior resolution.
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chuck81
 - Joined on 02-09-2007
- SE Oklahoma
- Posts 500
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How many amatuer astronomers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ten. One to screw in the bulb and nine to argue after the fact that "their" lightbulb design is better and would have provided superior resolution.
The 11th one would argue that it would add to the light pollution and shouldn't be screwed in at all.
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WannaB
- Joined on 04-30-2008
- Mindenmines, MO
- Posts 484
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Sorry ZD for ruining your joke!! Seriously!
Braille keypad at the drive-up ATM...funny and scary.
Daily Thought: Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.
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chuck81
- Joined on 02-09-2007
- SE Oklahoma
- Posts 500
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I've always thought this one is funny.
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Two statues stood in a city park: one female and the other male. These statues faced each other for many years.
Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!" |
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Kyle
- Joined on 06-07-2008
- Southern California, near L.A.
- Posts 217
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WannaB:
Daily Thought: Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.
A corporate manager is someone who thinks that nine women ought to be able to produce a child in a month.
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Kyle
- Joined on 06-07-2008
- Southern California, near L.A.
- Posts 217
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First of all, I'll pick a 'best joke' on Saturday.
More importantly, I found this from the old 2004 elections.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8Q-sRdV7SY
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